Google
by Fullmetal Cows
Summary: What's a website? Ed asked, rubbing his head. T for language. Content that may offend some viewers. Warning: May Contain Trace Amounts of Naruto Characters and a guest appearance of Barney.
1. Gettin' Down And Jiggy With it

**A/N.: **There isn't much to say, except for this is by **two** over active imaginations. And **two** people who have no life. No life, whatsoever. Anyways, the prolouge was fun to write. AND **YES**, this does have a plot. An interesting one too. Or, at least to us. Please Review...

**Disclaimer: **We don't own FullMetal Alchemist, even though we wish we did... but not everyone gets what they want, now do they? Well, we'll see about that.. we'll see about that. But, as of now, we don't own it.

**Google **

By Fullmetal Shorties

**Prolouge **

Gettin' Down and Jiggy With it.

"VICTORY!"

"What the hell did you do now?" Pinako muttered. "No..., wait, don't tell me. A new oven, perhaps?"

Winry only smiled at the comment. "No, I call this one a compuher," she said happily, and banged her wrench softly on the new equipment.

"Wouldn't it be better if you called it a computer?" Pinako asked.

Winry growled, as if the comment offended her. "No, it's best called a compuher. Remember, I'm the one who comes up with the name. You just look good," she spoke, as she walked down the hall to the kitchen.

Pinako laughed whole-heartedly. Sometime's her granddaughter made little sense.

Winry sat down and and began to peel her apple. It had become a custom in the house hold to peel the apple before eating it, since it saved time from washing the apple. Washing an apple, to Winry Rockbell, was pure evil, and a huge waste of one's precious time. Pinako, however, did not care for apples, so she ate a few oranges, and had a cup of tea.

Just as Winry was about to slip a peice of the apple into her mouth, a knock came from the door, and Pinako stood up immediately to answer it. She slowly walked to the door, and put her fingers on the knob. Opening the door, she said, "Good, you're here." The person looked at her oddly, and Winry looked shocked.

"Maes? I thought you where dead...," Winry questioned.

"I thought you where exiled to the south pole, but that doesn't seem to be correct either," Maes said, stepping into the house, and sat down at the table, smoothy. "HAVE YOU SEEN ELYSIA-CHAN? SHE'S 6 NOW, AND JUST SOOO CUTE. SHE REALLY LOOK'S LIKE ME! I SWEAR. EVERYBODY SAYS SO. YOU HAVE TO BUY HER A BIRTHDAY PRESENT STILL."

"...," Winry muttered, and dropping her apple, she throws the wrench at the grown man's head. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! EVERYONE WAS SO SAD BECAUSE YOU WHERE DEAD. BAKA, BAKA, BAKA, BAKA!"

Maes coughed, and looked forward. "I do not have the permission to excerise the right to tell you where I've been. All I'm here for is to get a copy of that compuher thing."

"How... how do you know about that?" Winry asked, shocked. "I only finished it this morning." She stood up, and walked over to him.

"The Military know's all. Oohooohhooohoh," said Maes, making ghostish sounds.

Winry sweatdropped anime style, and then turned around. "Follow me," she said blankly, and Maes happily followed. Of course, talking the whole way down the hall about how Elysia learned to say Dad first. "Yeah," she'd agreed, "probably to shut you up."

She opened the door, and Pinako gasped. Of course, Pinako wasn't excited, she just gasped to make the opening-of-the-door more dramatic. Winry glared, but showed them all the compuher.

It looked like a normal earth computer. Except, way, way bigger. "Well, I was surfing around this morning. That what they call going on the internet― surfing. Because the internet is like the water, and your provider is like the surfboard, and your the person on the surfboard, and theres millions of other people surfing around you with their own internet connections. I'm suprised they don't call it fishing, because you are always fishing for something on the internet."

Maes looked bored. "Why don't you just give me a copy, and tell me how it works?" Winry glared, and said "Do I look like a mass producer? It will take a few days for it to be done." "Well, we can wait I guess. Colonel Mustang and Leuteniant Hawkeye should be arriving about... now," Maes said, and then the doorbell rang.

"HONEY I'M HOME!" Roy shouted as he burst into the house, leaving a sweatdropping Riza behind him. The man honestly had lost his mind when he lost his eye. He burst out again, "AND GUESS WHO WE BROUGHT!" He ran down the hall to the 3 people, standing there with blank expressions.

"DID YOU BRING ELYSIAAA!" Maes asked eagerly, and Roy sweatdropped.

"No, but close. He's as tall as a six year old, though," Roy said happily.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING THE SUPER SHORT BEAN THAT IS TOWERED OVER BY SIX YEAR OLDS!" said the super-short **ant** sized Edward.

"Bean brat. You forgot bean brat," said roy, while poking Ed's head. Meanwhile, Winry, Maes, Pinako, Riza and Al, who had snuck in behind Ed, sweatdropped.

"Why, I outta... bu...," Ed was intterupted by the sound of the compuher starting up.

"HOLY MILITARY GIRLS IN MMMMINISKIRTS!" Roy Screamed out rather loudly, and then ran to hide behind Riza, who looked at him with a less then respective look.

"Colonel, relax. The compuher's only starting up. You know? The reason we're here," Riza said, backing away from Roy rather quikly.

"Really?" Roy, Ed and Al said at the same time.

"I thought we'd come here for the nice, **plain** sincery," Roy said with a yawn, after automatically regaining his composure.

"HEEEY! Are you calling my home PLAAAAIN!" Winry said, raising her wrench to hit Roy with it.

"That's exactly what he's saying. Anyways! Who wants to see a picture of Elysia-chan?" Maes asked everyone, and automatically pulled out his wallet, which was stuffed full with pictures of the young girl.

"Uh, no, not right now," Al said, and they all nodded their head in agreement.

"Yeah, I need to beat Roy into the ground," Ed agreed.

"You can beat me if you can touch my head," Roy said with a yawn. Ed, of course, automatically begain to blubber words out about how he was not short, and that everyone else was just Giant-sized. Winry, and everyone else, was bored with this by now, so Winry stepped inbetween them.

"Guys, I have something important to tell you," Winry said calmly. From this tone, Ed could tell what they were in for.

"No, Win---!" he said, but was too late, and a wrench collided with his head. Roy tried to duck, but his cheek was met with the wrench also.

"Now, shut up. I want to tell everyone about," Winry paused to add effect, "google." Everyone stopped looking at the moaning Colonel, and looked at Winry with a questioning look.

"Google who?" Al asked.

"No, no, it's a website," said Winry.

"What's a website?" Ed asked, rubbing his head.

"A website is a thing on the internet that you can do stuff on."

"What's the internet?" Riza questioned, and everyone nodded.

"Something you can get if you have a compuher with Windows on it."

"...I don't see any windows on the compuher," Maes said as he examined the compuher.

"That's because it's a program!"

"Okay! No need to scream," said Maes offensively. The colonel moaned.

"JUST LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT GOOGLE!" Winry fretted.

"Okay, Okay," screeched Roy. "Jeesh."

Winry glared, but said nothing more. "Google is a search engine. A search engine is something you can search for websites on. You can also search for answers to your questions. Anyways, it's really, really helpful. For example, if I needed a cooking recipe to make something in my **Brand new oven that you can have for only 150 dollars**, then I could search for it on Google, and it would give me a recipe. If you wanted to see how famous you where, you could look yourself up and see if you had any **fan-made websites**. Not that I would do that... of course not, I'm not that self obsessed," She said, and breathed deeply.

"Can I go on?" Ed asked.

"No, me! Taller people first," Roy said, happily.

"I'm taller then you in my mind," Ed said, and stomped on Roy's foot.

"I'll make a schedule! Jeesh!" Winry began. "Don't make me wrench you two."

"Yes m'am," They said, and saluted, nervously.


	2. Hell Yeah!

**A/N.:** This chapter could also be called: Riza's Secret Obsession with little wires. Or, Maes' many pictures of Elysia. Or, Military girls in miniskirts, but mostly, hell yeah. I hope no one considers hell a swear.. but that's as far as we're going with language in this fiction. Thank's to all who reviewed. It's nice to know you like the idea. Those people were:

**KyuubiFoxLover  
Anonymous  
PuRE'Curse  
Me and My God Complex **

P.S: We actually looked up the searches on Google.

Questions.:

If winry just invented the computer then how did she get internet? It wasn't invented yet.

_You're question will answered in the chapter.  
_  
**Disclaimer.:** We still don't own FullMetal Alchemist, but be prepared.. We can do anything we set our minds to. Hell yeah!

**Google **

By FullMetal Shorties

Chapter 1

Hell Yeah!

"Roy gets 2:30 pm to 5 o'clock. Ed gets 5 o'clock to 8:30. Everyone gets to choose when they go on, since they will be mature, and won't fight over it," announced Winry, reading off a piece of paper she and Pinako had written out the night before.

"Aw! How come I get the dingy hours?" Roy complained.

"Because your a grown adult, and Ed isn't tall enough to be counted as an adult. You know? Like "You must be this tall to go on this ride,"" said Al, teasing his brother.

"AAAL! I'M NOT A SUPER SHORT KID WHO COULDN'T GO ON THE FERIS WHEEL BECAUSE HE ISN'T TALL ENOUGH. AND I'M NOT A SUPER SHORT ANT WHO COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ATOM," Edward screamed, angry at the short comments as usual.

"We like to party... We like, like to party...," mumbled Maes to himself.

"So if you like to party, get on and move your body," Riza added simply.

"THE VENGA BUS IS COMING! Hohoho! Gettin' down and jiggy with it, aren't you, Maes?" Roy asked, and then began to mouth the words to the song.

"...Want to see pictures of Elysia now?" Maes asked, smiling happily.

"Uhm, what about the schedule?" Winry asked, disrupting everyone, and ignoring Maes.

"They like to party," Pinako said. "Just as long as they don't wreck my freshly cleaned house." Roy began to dance, as soon as he heard the word.

"Uh, no, I don't think so, Roy," Riza said, and immediately put an end to Roy's dancing.

Edward looked around, upset that his angry shouts had not be answered, and now that Roy was dancing. It was honestly, in his opinion, a disgusting site. Al looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye, to see that he was getting angrier by the second. "Nii-san, you should really take an anger course. I was only joking."

"My height isn't something you joke about. Because, in about uh... six minutes, I'm going to go through a huge growth spurt, and gain two feet on you. Then you'll all regret calling me short. Because I'm going to be very, very, very, very, very...," he paused, "very tall. AND NOT A SUPER SHORT ANT WHO YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE WELL!"

"I'm sure you will," Al said, and patted Ed on the head. Meanwhile, Riza had dragged Roy off to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Ed, what do you think of the schedule?" Winry finally asked.

"I could use more time," Ed said curtly.

"PaRtY!" Maes said, pulling out pictures of Elysia. Al, deciding to be nice and innocent, looked at some of Maes' pictures of Elysia. Swimming, playing with a toy horse, a toy boat. Elysia learning how to walk, how to go on the toilet, how to talk. Elysia watching her first television show. Elysia watching her second television show. Elysia sticking her finger up her nose. Elysia sticking her finger up the stuffed toy's nose. Elysia sticking her finger up Maes' nose. Elysia's mom. Wow, how rare. Elysia holding a basket ball. Elysia holding a spoonful of cereal. Elysia holding a dirty diaper. Elysia poking the camera.

"You won't. It doesn't take long to browse," Winry said plainly.

"Okay, hai, but I need food. It smells good," Ed mumbled as he floated off towards the nice scent. Al, Winry, and for once, a silent Maes, followed after him to the kitchen.

"It does smell good."

After a pancake breakfast --- or at least, that's what they all said it was --- everyone ran off to look around the area. Well, all except Riza, who took a little time to look at the compuher.

"Well, this doesn't seem so hard. Nope, not to hard at all," she said, as she pressed the button that was supposed to start the compuher. But, it didn't turn on. She pressed it again, and again it didn't turn on. "Hmm..., it might not be plugged in," She thought allowed, and leaned down underneath the desk to see if it was plugged in.

Sure enough, it wasn't, but when she reached out for the cord, she saw.. A wire. Yipping, she flew backwards. "I'll wreck the computer at this rate. I can't go anywhere near that wire. I'll.. I'll.. do it again!" Sighing, she realized that she'd have to get someone to plug it in for her. But, everyone had gone out to explore. What ever was she to do?

"I walk away from the compuher, let someone plug it in, and then go on later. Yes, that's what I do," she spoke to herself again. "Or..., I could take my gun and shoot it. No, no, no! I'll wreck the compuher. Winry will hit me with wrench. Come on, Riza, get out of here!" Shooting the wire did sound nice, but Riza new better then to give into her obsession with shooting at little wires. She could wreck more then the wire, she could wreck the compuher.

Getting up, she found that she quickly fell forward, and made a loud "boom!" Obviously, Pinako had just arrived home, because Riza heard the old lady shout "Are you Okay in there!"

She breathed deeply, yelled back a "Hai," and looked to see the reason she had fallen. A wire. Around her ankle. She immediately reached for the gun in her pocket, but managed to stop herself.

Not believing Riza was okay, Pinako came into the room. "What the heck have you been doing in here? It's a mess. Lieutenant Hawkeye, of all people! My **precious** house! Why do you have a gun out...?" She yipped and yipped.

"Well, I tripped, and..., well, I have an old habit of grabbing my gun when I trip. Military rotten, you know?" Riza said, making something up on the fly.

Roy's bus sounds could be heard, as he entered the door, with Maes singing "THE VENGA BUS IS COMIN'" behind him. Ed looked about ready to transmute Roy's head into a fish bowl, and Al could only laugh at the three odd people.

"What time is it?" Winry asked, glancing at her watch.

"Only 2 o'clock," answered Riza who had gotten up quickly, and ran down the hallway. "The compuher won't start. I don't know what's wrong with it...," She said, lying again.

"Oh, well, I'll take a look," Winry answered, and walked down the hall, Riza and Al following after them. Ed, Roy, and Maes stayed in the kitchen for some nice refreshing glasses of tomato juice. Winry leaned down, under the compuher, to see that the plug wasn't plugged into the outlet. She sighed, and plugged it in again. "That was too easy."

"Question," Al said.

"What?" Winry asked, happy to have one.

"How did you manage to get the internet? We don't have any of that in the world... already," muttered Al.

"Oh, well, when I was setting it up, I found for some reason that the computer had attached itself to a thing called a "satellite." Even though I'm not sure what is, I'm still thankful to have it," Winry said.

"MY TURN TO GO ON THE COMPUHHHEEEERRRR!" Everyone could hear Roy squeal from a mile away. They could also hear him running down the hall way happily, too. He burst into the room, and grabbed the chair from Riza frantically. "Thank you for the chaairrr," he said quickly, as he sat it down at the compuher, along with himself.

"I'm going to make a fansite for meeee!" Roy said happily. "I'M MY BIGGGEST FAN."

"You're your only fan," muttered Ed, who had entered the room only a second ago.

"That's okay. Chick's dig that kind of thing," purred Roy, "Don't you, Riza? Winry? Pinako...?"

Winry reached for her wrench. "I suppose not," she said, and bonked him on the head with it again. Riza didn't have to answer, she just glared and left.

Roy managed to turn on the compuher, much to everyone's surprise, even though he was wounded. The compuher loaded, and started up, getting warm while it did so. Roy looked around, and then screamed "IT'S ALIIIVVVEEEEEE."

When it finally loaded, a screen thing came up and asked him for his username. Sighing, he typed in slowly: "Roy-is-hawt," and entered the password: "Hell-yeah." Unfortunately, a popup came up, and told the adult what it thought of that.

"The password for this username is either incorrect, or the username does not exists." Roy sighed, and called Winry into the room. She happily typed in her username, and password. "I-rock-my-wrench" and "iinventedthehamsterturtle."

"Hell yeah!" Roy said happily, as the compuher logged them in. "Can I have my own username?" he asked, clapping his hands together.

"Maybe later, if you're a good boooy," Winry said motherly.

"Okay," mumbled Roy, looking more like a five year old then a grown man.

"Well, what do you want to do on the internet?" She asked impatiently.

"Google... images?" Roy asked carefully.

"Why?"

"Military girls in miniskirts."

"I'm gone!" Winry said as she jumped up and left the room. Roy clicked on the 'E' sign that said internet underneath. Then, he looked for something that said Google. Sure enough, there was a search bar on the internet that said Google on it.

"Do I just type what I want to look for here?" Roy asked himself. Though he wasn't sure, he decided to try anyway.

Slowly he typed in "Hot Roy Mustang." The first link talked about hotdogs, but this didn't interest the man with the God complex. The other links, did infact boost his ego. "HEY EVERYONE! I have so many fangirls," he shouted down the hall, and was met with a large shoe to his head.

"I am super hot," he said to himself as he looked up his picture. "Yeah, I'm turning myself on." (**A/N.:** Get Dancin'! o3o) As he looked at all the fansites he could find, he couldn't help but praise all his wonderful-obsessed-with-a-2D-character fans. "I'll have to get in touch with these... eaarr...the girls. What the hell.. where the hell on earth is earth!"

'Did you mean to search for: Hot Rod Mustang?' The website asked. "No, I'm spicy enough," Roy muttered to himself as he continued to look at the sites. "This internet thing isn't difficult. I can't wait to have my own compuher. ...To look up military girls in mini-skirts. My comrades will love me! I'll be sure to get a promotion," he said, getting stars in his eyes.

Meanwhile, Riza who had come in to bring the colonel his supper, sweatdropped as his self-obsessed comments. "Uh, Colonel, no disrespect, but you need to humble yourself." Her eye twitched when she saw the thin wire out of the corner of her eye.

"I am perfectly humble! What are you talking about, Hawkeye?"

"Oh, I'm so sure," she said. "Are you sure you don't want Winry to hit you on the head with a wrench, again? It might take away that incapability to be humble. And your god complex."

"I'm sure I don't need it."

"You do know it's almost Ed's turn, don't you?"

"Really, it doesn't seem like it took that long...," Roy said, more to himself then to her. "And I wanted to sign up for Neopets! And MSN! And Kenopets. Aw, aren't they just so cuuuuuuuuuutttteeee? But not hot, like me."

"Errr... Why don't you do that tomorrow, eh?" Riza asked, resisting the need to shoot the wire.

"I suppose I could. Lieutenant, write down the websites there, there, and there, then please sign me off the computer. I'm going to finish eating in the kitchen."

**Annnd this seem's like a good place to stop.** Ed's turn on the computer is what's going to be interesting.. -0- Roy is somewhat.. hard to write about. We didn't really plan anything funny for him. Anyways, the next two chapters will be posted soon as their written. If you have any questions, just email them to us. (The email is on our profile.) It's only four pages long, but the next one will be way longer.

Until Next time,

Gin **& **Turtle


	3. If mom was a flower

**A/N.:** Sorry it's so late! We have no excuse, except for being lazy. But, it's finally done. (And no, this is not the end of Ed's turn.) Sorry if it's short, but we're kind of in a hurry, and rushed for time to finish it. Please review! If you like Ed x Roy, please don't be offended. (Although, I don't think it's that offending.)

**PuRE'Curse  
****Jade Rotaski Queen of the Damned  
****CrystalMind  
****Me and My God Complex  
****Moofy-fan**

We greatly appreciate your reviews, and the fact that you take time to read this.

**Disclaimer: **We don't own it at the moment.

**Google**

**By FullMetal Shorties**

**Chapter 2**

**If mom was a flower, I'd pick her to be burried first.  
**

Ed silently crept into the room, supper in his hands. Winry had told him to wait, but the hell with that. He plopped down on the compuher chair and his dinner went flying. "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF CHAIR SPINS?" he bellowed.

"A compuher chair!" Said Winry, who had appeared at the door, wrench in hand. "What did I tell you about eating in here?" she asked with a creeply happy smile, waving her wrench back and forth with her hand.

"That it's not okay for Roy?" Ed asked inocently.

"That its not okay for you because only adults can eat in the compuher room. And we all know you're to short to be considered an adult." Winry chimed.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A ULTRA-SMALL BRAT WHO ISN'T CONSIDERED AN ADULT BECAUSE EVERY ONE ELSE IS GIANT SIZ..." Ed's annoying ranting was cut short due to Winry's wrench of doom.

"Why did you do that?" Ed wined holding the large bump on top of his head.

"Three reasons. For one, your ranting is annoying. Secondly, it's fun. Thirdly, I have a cronic illness."

"That explains..., never mind," Ed muttered. "So can I go on the compuher now?"

"Yes you can go on my** wonderfully made compuher**,you lucky chicken you!" Winry beamed. Ed sweat dropped anime style. Maybe Winry could use a shrink or prehaps just a smaller wrench. Winry pushed the little button on the monitor of the compuher. It came to life with a small buzzing noise. A small pop up appeared asking for a username and a password. "And if you want to buy my **wish-washer**, I would be glad to sell it to you for only $400.00!"

"What the hell?" Ed asked.

"There is the fact, my dear child, that I like you more then Roy, so, I'll make you your very own account!" Winry said in a motherly-I-pinch-cheeks tone.

"HEAR THAT MUSTANG! SHE LIKES ME BETTER!" Ed shouted down the hall.

"GIVE IT TIME!" bellowed the voice from down the hall. Ed and Roy continued to screech at eachother, back and forth, down the hall.

Winry began to make Ed's account. "Hm..lets see," Winry muttered."...I know!" Winry beamed, typing in Ed's new account name. "Edo-chan, come here!"

"NO YOU SUCK MUSTANG!"

"NO YOU SUCK MORE BEAN BOY!"

"I AIN'T A BEAN NOR A BOY, I MEAN... I-I'M NOT SO SHORT THAT I CAN BE CALLED A BEAN, I'M VERY TALL, YOU...!"

"EDWARD" Winry said appalled. "Watch your mouth!"

Ed started at her blankly. What the hell was Pinako doing to her?

"I didn't say anything yet!"

"I'm a mind reader. I know what you where going to say. You where going to say―" Winry was cut off by a yell from down the hall.

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH WINRY ROCKBELL!" the voice, apparently belonging to Pinako, yelled.

Winry sighed, and dragged Ed to the compuher. "Sit down. I'll teach you how to sign in now," she told him, impatiently.

"Okay. What's a username?" Ed questioned, obviously a little slower mentally then Roy.

"It's a name that you use on the compuher," Winry answered. "Type in the name 'almightybean' and the password '123456789101234.'"

Ed did so, typing very slowly, for reasons mentioned. "What was the password again?" Ed asked.

"123456789101234."

"You sure?" Ed asked.

"Yes, it was 123456789101234," Winry replied.

"Really, because it says it's not right."

"I'm sure it's 123456789101234."

"Okay, if you say so. I'll try it again." And this time, it worked.

"Okay, so when it's loaded, where do you want to go?" Winry asked, fingering her wrench with her right hand. Her want to get out of the room and do something fun, was evident from the fingering.

"Well, I guess I'll go on google and look a bunch of stuff up...," Ed pondered.

"Okay, okay," Winry said, opening the internet for the slow boy, and getting it to google. "That's how you get around the internet. You type on the bar. It's fairly easy to understand."

"Okay," Ed said, and with that, Winry left. Ed proceeded to type stuff in the search. Once he typed in his name, he was met full force by fan girl websites, at which, he twitched, screamed in shock, and looked up something else.

Mae interupted him a few times, asking "Do I have any fansites? Better yet, do they have any fansites of my cute little girl! Didn't you like the picture I showed you at supper of her holding the stuffed teddy, and sticking her finger in the teddy's ear? Or, did you like the one of her first time on the toilet better? I thought that one was nice too, but I always liked the one with her throwing the toy at my face better. She's just so positively cute, and looks like me! Everyone says so, I mean, have you heared the praise of my daughter? Someday, she's going to be famous, and probably will be a singer. Have you heard her sing? It's just so lovely, and angelic like.. You just have to hear her sing!"

Eventually he found his way to the almighty, wonderful, beautiful-looking, lovely (Don't ask how.) At first, he had no idea what it was about, being slow and all, but then, his mind was enlighted. "AH! It's Fan-Stories! A fanfiction is a story that is written by a fan of a certain show or manga. See, it says so in it's description. 'A resource for writing, reviewing, and reading fanfiction stories.' This is truly amazing. I feel tall."

"Well, lets see... which one would FullMetal Alchemist fall under? If it's even there...," Ed muttered to himself, and then spent an hour searching for it. Finally, he found it under "Anime/Manga."

He scanned the first page slowly, seeing a "Riza x Roy" pairing.

"Riza x'd Roy?" he questioned. "Hey, people! What does the 'x' mean!" he shouted down the hallway.

"x usually means Couple-ship on the internet, if it's between two names," Winry shouted back, her mouth apparently full of food.

"AHAHAHA! Roy and Riza sittin' in a tree K I S S..." he stopped when he saw a Roy x Ed story. He stared at the screen, not believing what it said. "No, this just means that we fight eachother, doesn't it?" He quikly read the summary. His eye's widened, and he let out a loud, and long "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," before falling backwards on the compuher chair, and knocking himself out.

_Roy entered the compuher room, clothed in a beautiful dress,that hand large purple flowers on the top part, and was white and purple on the bottom._ (don't you love the description?)_He walked over to Ed, and grabbed the shorties head. He tilted his head, and gave him a BIG OLD YAOI KISS. MMMMMMMMMMMM. Ed, then chokes, and dies._ (Dramaticly.)

"AAH! Get off me, Roy!" Ed screams as he wakes up from the tense, homosexual dream. He opens his eyes to see a dog licking him, and Roy, Mae, and Winry staring at him with wide eyes.

Roy then smirks, "Dreaming about me?"

"No way!"

"Sorry, but I don't swing the other way. And if I did, I would go for the taller ones, that don't have gender problems."

"Well, I wasn't dreaming about you in the first place!"

"Why where you kissing the dog?" Winry asks, holding her wrench.

"I was knocked out!"

"By the floor?" Maes pondered.

"Yes!"

"You sure?" Al asked, as he walked in.


	4. The Closet

**A/N.:**Sorry about the quickness of the last chapter. It quiet sucked, but rewriting it would defy morals and principals. Yes. This chapter should... be better. No flames, this is just our opinion... strongly put. Well, our opinion backed up by solid facts. Anyway, take it lightly! Oh, and We apologise in advance for the stereotyping of fan girls.

And Review! Or there will be a CAP on reviews.

**Eds Lover** - Really? Never heard of/seen another one similar to this..  
**Roy-Fan-33**

Thanks for reviewing the both of you...

**Disclaimer:** We no own FMA. We own idea.

**Google**

**By FullMetal Shorties **

Chapter 3

**Billy Goat Gruff**

"I'M NOT GAY!" Ed screamed over and over again, throwing his hands back and forth. Finally, he grabbed the knife from his supper plate and stabbed himself.

There you go, Yaoi fan girls/boys! You made Ed try to commit suicide.

But he missed his short body, and the knife landed on Al.

Fortunately, this story doesn't take place after the movie, and stuff, so Al is still armor.

"Onii-chan, that won't hurt me!" Al said miserably. "I'M NOT A REAL BOY. I WANT TO BE A REAL BOY!"

"I WANANANANANANANA DIIEEEE," screamed the suicidal Ed as he ran around the compuher room. Then Winry, being extremely annoyed by Ed, pulled out her wrench and aimed it for his head. Ed immediately had sense knocked into him. Litterly.

"Heh, Eddie got hit," Roy laughed and pointed. And pointed and laughed. "I always knew that short fat kids were easy targets."

"..." Ed sat on the ground, staring into space, a bump growing very large on his head.

"Ed's not fat! Unless you mean phat, in that case, he's so PHAT! LOL! EDO SO HOT!" fan girl number 1 screamed.

Mae looked around and said, "Anyone want to see a picture of my dear little girl taking her first bath in the sink?"

"NO!" everyone, including the VERY blonde fan girls 1 and 2 and an out-of-it Ed, screamed.

"...You don't need to be mean...," Mae blubbered as he turned to walk out of the room. "Maybe Pinako and Riza will be nicer."

Everyone simply ignored him. "Ed, go back on the compuher," Winry commanded.

"I don't want too. The compuher is nasty, and makes me suicidal," Ed mumbled. Don't you guys feel guilty? At least a little bit!

"GO ED."

"Okay," Ed obeyed in a little voice, and stood up.

"Standing up doesn't make you taller," Roy teased.

"Yeah, well...," Ed couldn't think of a comeback, so he clapped his hands together and rearranged Roy's head into a fish bowl, minus the fish. Can he do that?

"YEAAAAHHHHHH 3! ITZ SEW POSIBL! LOL ED ROKES!" Fan girl number 2 screams. How about we don't take your word for it?

"Okay.. well, I'm off to transmute my head back into a head or my bowl..., or whatever," Roy, or the fish bowl, said smoothly, and walked out.

"I swear, if you have a make out session with my dog again, I'll do more then hit you with this wrench. Much more," Winry threatened.

"I didn't make out with your dog! I was knocked out!" Ed denied.

"You... you...," Winry muttered and stomped out. "Damn kid, not leaving my dog alone, and then denying that he doesn't have a fetish for dogs or SHOES!"

"When did shoes become a topic?" Ed asked, holding Riza's shoe in his hand.

"CAN CAN CAN YOU DO THE CAN CAN?" Mae screamed toward Ed, down the hallway.

"While sitting on the can?" Roy questioned.

"Eating from a can," finished Winry, hitting each of then with her wrench of doom.

"Honestly, you 2 should audition for an Capella band or something. Has anyone seen my shoe?" Riza questioned.

Ed immediately put the shoe behind his back, and whispered "No one will take you from me, my dear shoe."

"Ed has it," Pinako said, making her first entrance of the day.

"FullMetal, give me my shoe," Riza said seriously.

"NO! I won't let you take my beautiful," Ed cried out.

"I told you he had a fetish," Winry mumbled as she sat at the table, filing her nails. "You can by my newest invention, the **pocket protecher** for only $2.99 U.S!

"Onii-chan, give Hawkeye-san her shoe back. She promises to give it back to you when she's done," Al said like-he-was-talking-to-a-baby to Ed.

"Hey! I ain't got no fetish! And I don't want it back! Take it," Ed yelled and threw the shoe down the hallway, managing to knock someone over. He didn't know who because he immediately slammed the compuher room door shut, and went back to the compuher.

He avoided the Ed x Roy pair like the plague, thinking that was as bad as it could get.He was wrong.

"A collection of Elricest drables," "Elricest x 2," "Ed x Al," "brother kissing," but mostly elricest. Ed flinched, but would not let himself pass out again. Those dreams where scary. And he didn't want to see his brother in a dress.

"Okay, maybe I'll have to have a talk with my manager..., and then a therapist," Ed mumbled. "Honestly! Where do these people get these idea's. I like ladies! LADIES! MMMM LADIES!" Ed shouted, and the slapped himself in a face.

Roy then opens the door, and smirks. "Fullmetal, you seem to have matured. But, pornography is BAD for little kids!" And then, once again, Winry shoves her way into the room with her wrench of doom, and hits Ed over the head with it.

"PERVERT!" She shouts, and then leaves the room again.

"I'm not getting a good reputation, am I?"

"Nope, especially not with Winry," Mae said plainly as he walked into the room.

Ed sweat dropped, and then said, "I suppose I should explain. I was just ranting about how I wasn't a homosexual, and absolutely do not like incest with my brother. He's MY BROTHER! Why do people make me look wrong? It's not natural," Ed ranted.

"We know, we know," Pinako sighed.

"I'm supposed to be cool! People are supposed to look up at me! How can anyone look up to me if I date Roy! Or kiss my brother? You might as well dress me in pink and name me Blonde," Ed continued to rant.

"We understand," Mae yawned.

"Yeah, Ed, we get the idea," Winry, who appeared at the door, said.

"You're not gay?" Roy asked.

"No, I'm not!" Ed yelled back.

"Good. Because I'm not going to pay you anymore if you are," Roy said with a smirk.

"Hi Ed! 3" Fan girl number 1 screamed.

"Errr...," murmured Ed as he quickly jumped out of the window.

"Hi guys," Al said as he entered the room, seeing a broken window, 2 very blonde fan girls, Roy, Pinako, Mae, and Roy. "Anything exciting happen?"

"Oh, well, Ed jumped out the window and ran for the hills," Roy spoke first.

"Y DOSNT HE LYK MEEE! I'M BEUTIFUL! 345678990!" Fan girl number 1 asked and stated.

"Well, Ed is gay you see...," Roy smirked as he said this, "But I'm perfectly straight. And single! I know, shouldn't it be against the law?"

Fan girl number 1 ogled him.

Fan girl number 2 looked at number 1 angrily. "DONT U KNO HE'S LYIN! ED AIN'T GAAAY 3 HE LYKS WINRY IN DE MANGA DON'T EH! HE'LL LUV US!" She ranted.

Winry reached out for her wrench, but decided she needed to try something new, so she took a screw driver. "Get out of our house, if you don't want a nail in the head."

"Don't be mad just cuz he lyks us moore," fangirl number 2 laughed.

"... Who cares about it!" Winry said, and then threw the screw driver at fan girl number 2's head, which bounced off and hit the still-ogling number 1 fan girls head. They began to bleed from their noses, but ran out of the house quickly.

"SHE'S SO MEAN!"

"NUTIN LYK OUR EDO!"

"UR SO RITE!"

It was about ten minutes before Ed returned to the house. "Are they gone?" he whispered into the house.

"WELL, OF COURSE!" Mae screamed happily. "And you're just in time to see the pictures my dear wife just sent to me of our little girl!"

Ed looked around to see everyone had been forced to look at them also. They all had the tortured look to them.

"I guess so," he sighed.

"Good choice! Not that you had one," Mae smirked evilly as he said this.

"Well, my dear beautiful and lovely wife took these pictures. You do remember her don't you. She's pretty hard to forget isn't she? I know. AND SHE'S ALL MINE! Anyways, doesn't my daughter look like me so much? I know, I know, I say that a lot, but it's true. And she is handsome like me. Anyways, here she is poking the stove, and here she is crying because the stove was on. And here they both are, my wife comforting my dear girl. And here she is on the potty again. I'm missing so much of my little girls life. Honestly. I should be home more often, instead of here, testing out a stupid invention that could never compare to my beautiful daughter. Oh woe is me, oh woe is me!"


	5. Inbetween

**A/N.: **Shorter chapter, but uh… The next idea we're going to get into requires being split up into two chapters. Also, we want you guys to draw a scene from the story, and then send it to either of our emails, which are on our profile. Reason being is that we're going to make another trailer. (The first trailer is linked on our profile too.)

Thank you to the reviewers who reviewed. Replies for anonymous reviewers only, and well, for roy-fan-33, it's a little note.

**Anonymous (Asparagus)** - Mmmm... Asparagus.

**Roy-Fan-33 **– Hope you don't mind being inserted.  
**Ed's Lover**  
**Anonymous (Jasmine)** - We can put you in Roy's fishbowl head. -makes a fishy face-  
**SoundofLight**  
**Freddo the Amoeba**

**Disclaimer: **We don't own, you dig? But if we did, that would be tuff.

**Google **

By FullMetal Shorties

Chapter 4

**The One in Between the Closet and The Old Dirty Rug**

I believe in a thing called loooove! Just listen to the rhythm of my heeeaaart.

Winry searched through her box looking for the tool that she needed. She figured if she ever wanted these people out of her house, she better get to work on the copy of the compuher for the military. And possibly, ridding her self of the Elric boys for awhile. Al was quiet, but Ed seemed like he'd been knocked over the head one too many times. (With a wrench. Get it? Ah...)

So, there she sat, in the dark basement, bending over scraps of metal, motherboards, and the many other parts of a compuher. The dark basement, the only quiet place in the house, did not have a light bulb, no, not one light bulb, forcing Winry to employ her flashlight for the job.

It was increasingly hard to work and hold a flashlight at the same time.

Meanwhile, upstairs, things where still in turmoil. Pinako was sitting in a chair, which was quite small, complaining of a headache from the noise.

"HEY BEAN-BOY, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A MAN! YOUR BROTHER!"

"I'M NOT GAY! OR INCESTY! OR SHORT LIKE A BEAN THE SIZE OF AN ATOM THAT YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO EVEN KNOW IT EXISTS! A VERY GOOD ONE AT THAT!"

"That's pretty hot," Roy-Fan-33― or as she likes to call herself, fan-girl number 4― stated.

"I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE."

"Let's take a look at Elysia's picture! That might calm everyone down."

"Where are my shoes?" Riza managed to get in.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE MY DEAR HIGH HEELS! WITHOUT THEM I'LL DIE!" a voice from behind a door screamed.

"Keep them. Don't cut yourself over it," she replied.

"nii-san. Give it baaaack!" Al yelled, running into the room to retrieve Riza's shoe from the ever suicidal alchemist.

"I need aspirin! Get me Aspirin," Pinako demanded, still sitting in her little chair.

"MY TURN ON THE COMPUHER!" Roy screamed, and ran wildly to the compuher room.

"I'll get you that aspirin, Rockbell-san," Riza sighed, and walked to the kitchen, not bothering to see if Roy had wrecked the compuher yet or not. After all, Winry was making another one.

"Okay, so Riza wrote the websites I had found down," Roy mumbled to himself, looking for the piece of paper with the websites on it. and hmm, lets sign up for first. It looks the most interesting." And so, the man with the god complex typed in the address on the address bar, and the compuher loaded it very slowly.

"I shall sign up!" he declared. From previous exploration, he knew that he had to click on sign in, and look for a thing that said "sign up." He did so, and clicked the button.

Then he found a problem. It didn't list Ametris (Gin-Chan should know this one but she has deleted her FMA manga from her computer-cough- compuher and can not remember) in any of the countries. It only had these weird names that he had never heard of. He simply left it as it was, and typed in his desired email.

"UglyEgoGod at hotmail dot caawwww...m."

He had some problems with the other areas he had to fill in, but eventually he managed it to work. "Now what do I do with it?" he questioned to no one in particular. Not receiving an answer, he went on to sign up for neopets and kenopets.

Once he signed up for neopets, he clicked on games to play it, not caring that his account was not yet activated.

After playing some of the games, he found that they where tougher then they looked. Especially Faerie Bubbles. "Why do they make these games so haaaard? It said easy, but it's like SUPER-SUPER-SUPER HARD! I can hardly imagine what the games that say "difficult" are like. They are probably SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER times three hard!"

There's good, there's bad, there's short, there's tall, and then there is rubber boots.

"AHA! Mister-I'm-so-good-at-everything can't even play a little kids game!" Ed mocked.

"I can too. I'm just making myself look bad because I'm tired of all those beautiful fan girls following me around."

"I bet you are."

"I bet you're gay."

"That's pretty hot."

"U SICKEN DA ED-FANDOM RAICE!" Blond fan-girl number 2 screamed. Fan-girl number one began to ogle Roy again. "U 2!" Fan-girl number 2 screamed again.

"HAHAH SEEEE! EVEN YOUR FAN-GILRS LIKE ME BETTER" Roy announced

"Good luck. I hope you cut yourself jumping through the window." Replied Ed shortly.

"Why would I jump out of a window, when I could stay inside with these beautiful blonde's?" Roy questioned, stroking his chin.

"YAAA Y WOLD HEEE?" fan-girl number 1 agreed.

"He'll see," the chibi replied curtly, still clutching Riza's high heels possessively. "Why are Riza's shoes so comfortable?" he questioned as he put them on again, "Where did she buy them? I really must ask."

"Walmart."

"Whomart?"

"Walmart."

"Shemart?"

"Walmart."

"Aw, look at Ed in his womanly shoes. The little bean has grown up! Say, Ed, those shoes make you at least an inch higher."

"You real--- HEY! I'M NOT SHORT AS A BEAN AND IM NOT WEARING HIGH HEELS NEITHER. IT'S NATURAL HEIGHT."

"Nii-san, why are you wearing purple step ups?"

"That's hawt!" Put in all three fan-girls.

"Gah!" Ed yelped, and jumped out the window, scrapping his rusty metal automail.

"SOMEONE NEEDS AN OIL CHANGE." Winry's voice chimed from downstairs. Ed continued to run for the hills anyways.

"Well, that was amusing. BACK TO THE COMPUHER!" Roy shouted, dragging the fan-girls with him. "What to do now? What to do now…," he mumbled under his breath. On arriving back at the compuher room, he found a yaoi fan-girl sitting in the chair.

"What are you doing in my chair?" Roy questioned, squinting in her direction.

"Watching a video on this website I found! It's rocking. It's about these two anime dudes and their love for eachother."

"What website is this?" Roy's interest was perked.

"It's called… wait for it…, 1, 2, 3…, YOUTUBE." Dun dun dun.


	6. The Old Dirty Rug

**A/N.: **Well, this chapter really has almost nothing to do with the compuher. We thought of this while walking home from McDonalds, mkay. Don't ask how it became a cross over… crazy things happen when you eat McDonalds on a park bench.

**PuRE'Curse x 3  
****GothicDementor189 **

Disclaimer: We do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor Naruto. If we owned it, you probably wouldn't watch it.

**Google**

**By FullMetal Shorties**

**Chapter 5**

**The Old Dirty Rug**

Now the terrorization from the fan-girls had subsided for the day or, at least, for now. Sensing this, Ed knew it was okay to return to the household. Unsurprisingly; he had made a change in his appearance.

Now he was dawned with black hair and spiked jewelry from his head to his black painted toe nails. He, still wearing his usual black attire, was painted with black lipstick and eye shadow. His ears held at least 10 earrings.

"What happened to you, bean?" Roy inquired, standing up from his chair to make fun of the new emo kid.

"Dude, I was so…, callused…, with what the French call…, being alive." Ed said, blankly.

"What? No 'I'm not a bean, you're a giant' comment? No 'I'm not a super short bean that you cannot see with a microscope that you can see Pluto with?'" he said calmly, eyeing the chibi.

"I'm a emo-kid."

"Nu-uh, you're only emo if you hang out with Gaara or Sasuke from Naruto," Al shuddered.

Suddenly a knock came to the door. "Losers, I'll get it," Ed said blankly, turning and walking to the door. "Hi dudes."

"Yo loser," Sasuke mumbled.

"bulelala," Gaara stared.

Al gasped, and everyone stared in horror. "When the fu… heck did this become a cross over?"

"Whatever," Ed muttered.

"HOLY MILITARY DUDES DRESSING IN DRAG… IN MINISKIRTS!" Roy shouted. "Can I have your autograph, duck man?"

"No, loser."

"I'm going to light up your as… bottom if you say loser one more time, duck man," Roy snapped.

"Loser."

"BONZAI!" Roy screamed and lunged at him.

"Stop," Emo-Edward muttered. "Sasuke, Gaara, lets go listen to The Cure."

"Whatever," Sasuke shrugged.

"Bulelala," Gaara mumbled. And soon they where gone from the room.

"I always knew he'd end up with 12 year old kids with emotional issues and duck hair," Roy stated matter-of-factly.

"I did too, I just didn't know when," Riza and Pinako mumbled at the same time. "Pancake."

"Nii-san…, he.. hangs out with kids from.. Naruto. Now, I have to kill him. IT'S BETTER TO DIE THEN HANG OUT WITH KIDS FROM ANOTHER MANGA/ANIME!" Al declared, and grabbed a knife, starting up stairs. "I'll put an end to this."

"Next thing you know, Winry will be going out with Naruto," Maes laughed, pulling out his wallet.

"I'm going back on the compuher," Roy said, not really caring.

A scream could be heard from upstairs.

"WHAT THE BEEP HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR BEEP YOU DUMB BEEPBEEPBEEPHOLE!" Winry screamed.

"Whatever," Ed muttered, forgetting that this was Winry.

"I'LL BEEP WHATEVER YOU!"

"Stop saying beep, chick-baka," Sasuke muttered.

"I'LL STOP WHEN I WANT TO YOU BEEP DUCK HAIRED MAN!"

"My emo-senses are tingling," Gaara muttered matter-of-factly, just noticing that another person was there, destroying his 'blankly-stare-at-your-wrists' time.

"YEAH, WELL MY BEEP WRENCH IS TINGLING TOO!" Winry again yelled, pulling out her wrench.

"Kuso," Ed muttered.

"Time to give myself a reason for living," Gaara beamed.

"I'LL BEEP GIVE YOU A REASON."

"What's with beep?" Sasuke asked. (As the authors are tired of typing 'muttered.')

"I FELL ASLEEP WITH THE OVEN ON! BUT NOW I'M GOING TO WRENCH YOU THREE GOOD."

"Dudes, we don't have a chance,' Ed shrank back.

"I see why you became one with us, Edwin," Gaara mumbled.

"It's Edward."

"Whatever."

"Die," Winry muttered darkly, pulling out a much larger wrench. Swinging it with delicate precision, she hit her targets on the dot, causing a bruise and a small concussion to each of the emo-kids.

"The last time I got a concussion was when Naruto was spinning on the spinny-thing and then he flew off of it, hit me, and sent me into the cement. I couldn't feel my arms for at least 2 days. It made me appreciate how little I am to the universe, and how much I need revenge. That was the day I became 'SASUKE-THE-EMO-DUCK-KID!'" Sasuke muttered.

Winry began to cry. "Your life.. is so... painful," she sobbed, "Now I have to hurt you more." Sobbing, she swung her wrench again at him.

"I still cannot believe you broke past my sandy-barrier," Gaara mumbled.

"This is Full Metal Alchemist, your powers are obsolete," Winry stated, being the know it all that she thought she was.

"Oh fu…, my clothes are covered in blood," Ed sighed emo-ly. (Is that a word?)

"How the heck did you afford that crap clothing anyways."

"I raped chickens at the local KFC." (To far, if so: replace it with "I made chicken burgers at the local McDonalds.")

"You monster, I'm closely related to chickens," Sasuke mumbled.

"Why did you waste your money on those crappy clothes? They aren't even a good brand," Winry interrupted.

"Why does it matter to you," Ed mumbled.

"Don't tick me off, asshole," Winry threatened.

"Ssorry Winry," Ed cowered.

"Hey! Emo kids don't apologize," Sasuke muttered.

"Yeah, I know, Suzuki," Ed mumbled back.

"My name is Sasuke."

"Whatever, ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!"

"…," muttered Gaara.

"Well, then," Winry looked around. "You get yourself back to that store and return all the crap that you bought." She picked up some stuff, "I mean, who listens to 'The Cure' or 'Fall Out Boy.' I've never heard of those bands, they definitely aren't from around here. Why don't you listen to 'Mango Kids' or 'Flock of Sea Hags' like all the other people your age?"

"The what?" Naruto questioned.

"WHAT THE FU…HECK! THIS IS TURNING INTO A BEEP NARUTO FANFICTION!" Al screamed, "I'LL KILL THEM ALL!11223344"

"Its okay, Alphonse-kun, he's with me," Winry purred, looking down as if she was ashamed.

"Nani?" the emo-kids questioned.

"She be my girlfriend! Believe it!" Naruto beamed. "I'm going to be the next hokage and she's going to be the hokage's… er…, girlfriend. BELIEVE IT!"

The emo-kids shrank back, and Ed stared in horror as Winry leaned in to kiss the chibi bakaono. They all screamed emo-ishly and stood up to tear the two apart. "Stop sucking each others blood, would you, losers?"

They leaned back to the standing positions, or at least, Winry did. "Don't worry," she whispered to Ed, "It's only a one-night stand."

Ed again stared in horror, grabbed his "friends" and jumped through the window.

"BAKA!" Winry screamed, "You still need an oil change! Why must you always jump through the window? We aren't rich, you know."

"Whatever," was all she could hear coming back.

Meanwhile, Roy sat at the compuher desk, watching the directors movies on You Tube. "A cat going to the bathroom on a toilet… this is extraordinary." He clicked on the next video entitled fittingly:

Net Neutrality.

DUN DUN DUN.


	7. What Everyone Really Thinks

**A/N: **Ah, we are thankful for thee reviews!And the people who we makelaugh. We offerall of you reviewers uh... stuff like that. BUT NOTHING MORE. BECAUSE...

WE'RE POOR. Dundundun. -notreally- It's only 4 pages long, but you'll survive.

**Roy-Fan-33  
****PuRE'Curse  
****Eds Lover  
****Kiarra-chan  
Wolf in the Mist**

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunely, no, we don't own Full Metal Alchemist. It belongs to Arakawa-sensei. But we don't mind, we can still make fanfictions based on it right? GO COWS!

**Google**

**By FullMetal Cows **(Shorties)

**Chapter 6**

**What Everyone Really Thinks**

Winry sighed, picking up the glass from the broken window, for the second time in the last three days. "Damn Ed and his need to break the windows, and then me having to clean them up," she mumbled under her breath, glaring at each peice of glass. "I could be almost finished the compuher copy right about now, if he hadn't decided to take a day and become emo."

"Do you want some help, Winry?" Al inquired, still holding the knife, prepared to end his brothers life if he so much as entered the house with a Naruto character on his heels.

"NO!" Winry half yelled, clenching her wrench in her hands.

"Okay...," Al mumbled, shrinking back, scared at the revenge the blond could have. "You don't have to be a short tempered tall little blond girl who only can defend herself by using her wrench." He started, as she let go of her wrench, only to reach for her much larger one. "OKAY, OKAY! I take it back, I swear. YOU'RE A WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL BLOND WHO ANYONE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND. YOU ARE VERY LOOOONG TEMPERED!"

"Don't make moves on my girlfriend. Believe it," Naruto interrupted, pointing his stubby finger at Al.

"I bet your probably all wondering..., if all the military's finest are here, including my beautiful self, who is taking care of all of the crime's and murders taking place out side of Rizenbool? WELL! We would never leave our good, hot citizens (the women) in a unsafe enviroment, so we appointed a man who goes by the name 'Scar' over all of our finest State Alchemists, to protect the cities. He seemed very eager about it! So eager, that his right arm started giving off a red glow," Roy's voice rang out, making a speech into the camera. Suddenly, Riza walked up to the screen.

"Uh, sir, another one of the State Alchemists have been found dead in a similar manner as the Strong Odor Alchemist."

"Which was it, this time?"

"The Living Poo Alchemist."

"Too bad. I won't be able to make it to the funeral. Scar should have this under control in no time, though," Roy said faithfully, turning back to face the compuher he loved so dearly. "But, beside that, Lt. Hawkeye, we clearly have been handed a mission though."

"What is it, sir?"

"It is called 'Net Neutrality,'" Roy said simply. "It has to do with how the government might not inforce it, so then the internet providers might be able to limit our internet experience. And you know what that means, don't you?"

"No, sir, I don't," Riza answered.

"NO MORE PICTURES OF WOMEN IN MINISKIRTS! AND NO MORE MEN IN DRAG EITHER! WHAT WILL ED DO IF HE CAN'T SEE HIS MEN IN DRAG! HE MIGHT COME ON TO ME!"

"So, what do we have to do?" Riza questioned, looking down with a sweatdrop.

"Why don't you talk alot, Ga...," Edward began, but stopped when he felt the glare of the no eyebrowed boy.

"Don't say-y my-y name-e," he mumbled, and then added "I have a speech immmpeeedement."

"OMFG!" A fangirl interrupted.

DUN DUN DUN.

"Someone slit my wrists," Ed muttered.

"I'll do it," Sasuke mutter, pulling out a... PARING KNIFE.

"I WON'T LET U KILE MI LUVER!" the fangirl yelled, pouncing on Sasuke.

"Kinky," mumbled Gaara. Ed just stared awkwardly at the fangirl and the emo-kid brawling out on the ground.

"OW! DON'T KIK MI LEG!1111pumpkinapplesauce222345556retard," the fangirl yelled.

"I didn't," Sasuke muttered.

"Oh, that was me," the fangirl mumbled back, giving a giggle.

"Okay, enough," Edward stepped in. The fangirl, pulled a typical insane blond fangirl move.

"YES EDO-KUUUUUUNNN!" the fangirl... yelled, jumping off of Sasuke.

"Uh, that worked?" Ed questioned, wondering about his new special ability: Controlling fangirls. "Go, now, and I might give you a cracker later."

"YES EDO-KUUUUUUUNNNN!" she(he)... yelled and ran off to find a icecream shop that didn't exsist in Rizenbool.

"Dude? You like Vanilla ice cream?"

"Hell no."

"Okay... Time to enter the woods. These woods where first bought by my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great multiplied by 70 and twice removed because of family... problems, grandfather, UCHIHA BILLY!" Sasuke announced.

"Dude...," Ed pondered.

"Stop interrupting me. Now, we are going to let you in on a little secret..," Sasuke said, not yelling, but not muttering.

"What?" Ed questioned, his emo-eyes large with curiousity.

Meanwhile

"I'M A CAR GOD DAMN YOU!"

"No, Ed, I'm afraid that you're a ford."

Back to the movie..

"THE SECRET IS..."

"Yes! Yes?" Ed begged.

"We want you to join our secret illegal organization called the ," Sasuke finished.

"The what?"

"The ," Sasuke repeated.

"Buelala," Gaara muttered.

"I'm sorry, did you say ?" Ed questioned, staring at Sasuke.

"That's exactly what I said."

"What do I have to do to get in?" Ed said.. emo-ly.

"I have to suck your blood just like Orchimaru taught me," Sasuke muttered.

"Uh, I'm not sure about that...," Ed mumbled.

"Why?"

"Because: 1. I'm not a **homosexual **(Only 50$ a pound! No, I ment ounce.) and 2. We only just met."

"It's never too early to get a bit. And you're only... what? 10?"

"I. DON'T. REMEMBER. BUT. I'M. OLDER. THEN. YOU. YOU. PUNK. ASS..."

"Be quiet, shortie. I'm starting to think you're not that emo," Sasuke muttered.

"Me-e too-o," mumbled Gaara.

Meanwhile

"I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME. WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY. WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU. WON'T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOOO!" Barney screamed as he molested another naruto character.

...Back to the movie...

"You're creepy," Ed said, pushing Sasuke off of him, after the second try at biting him.

"That's... nice," Sasuke said, and pounced at him again. "I WILL BIT YOU, AND YOU WILL BECOME ONE OF US. I WANT REVENGE."

"Do-o you-u have aa pen-n?" Gaara asked.

"Uh, pen?" Sasuke questioned, stopping his pounce in midair. He grabbed his purse from the ground. "Lipstick? Yes. Crayon? Yes. Eye liner? Plentiful. Tissues for when I get broke up with? Yes. Pen? No. Gomen."

Edward, taking the chance, ran for the hills.

"YOU MAY HAVE WON THE BATTLE," Sasuke yelled after him, "BUT YOU HAVEN'T ONE THE WAR! ONCE AN EMO ALWAYS AN EMO! THERE'S NO ESCAPE!" Let's just say lots of evil laughter followed.

Ed plugged his ears as he ran, and continued back to the Rockbell's house.

Meanwhile

"I thought I was a chevy."

Back to the movie...

"Ah, just in time, FullMetal Diminutive," Roy said. "Still emo?"

"I AM NOT SO SHORT THAT I CAN BE EATEN BY AN ATOM, YOU BIG UGLY SADISTIC BRUT!"

"I'll take that as a no. Anyways, FullMetal, we have a mission, and unfortunetly, you are tall enough for it. Just... go wipe off that make-up. You're creeping me out even more then usual."

"Want to see a picture of Elysia? I don't think anyone has for like.. the last hour," Maes happily interrupted.

"No," Roy and Ed said, strangely insync. (Not the band. Although...)

"NO ONE LOVES ME!" Maes screamed/cried as he ran off.

"I DOO!" his wife screamed, running after him.

"Why is mommy running after papa? I DON'T LIKE IT. MAKE HER STOP," Elysia screamed. Riza grabbed the little girl and dragged her back to the vehicle.

"SOMEONE SHUT THAT LITTLE BRAT UP! I'M TRYING TO MAKE A COMPUHER HERE!" Winry shouted from downstairs.

"Well, Ed, go get packed," Roy commanded.

"The compuhers not done yet though...," Ed pondered.

"We'll be back in a few days. We have a mission, FullMetal," Roy spoke.

"Uh, okay."

**Next time on Google: **Chapter 7 "The Big Talk."

Meanwhile..

"No, no, I'm the chevy. You're the ford, and Al is the Half-ton."

"NO FAT JOKES!"


	8. The Talk: Roy Style

**A/N:** Ah, the temptation of typing "authors mustard." The reason for this temptation is unknown, but just as tempting.

Anyways, on with the real authors notes. The last chapter... honestly sucked. 8D We all know you thought it, so lets put it out there. Yes, we will reprove ourselves with this chapter because... why would someone rewrite a humour story? That's like why would you start smoking crack after you just quit? Okay, so then it's not really quiting, but.. shut up.

Uh, Plushies for all!

**Roxie (anon) (chp. 6)** Didja hear that? We got ourselves a drug abusing story!

**Kiarra-chan  
****Kuro-Himitsu  
****Haru and Gaara's stalker (chp. 2)  
****Gothicdementor189  
****Roy-Fan-33**

Oh, and there may or may not be a non-explicit "lime" in this chapter. But it's only "implied" and it's not really "implied" it's just the conclusion that most of you will draw. GET YOU'RE HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER. Closet. Whatneeeeever.

**Disclaimer: **Uh, we no own Full Metal Alchemist or Naruto? AND WE DON'T OWN BARNEY EITHER. Shucks.

**Google**

**By FullMetal Cows **(shorties)

**Chapter 8**

**The Talk (Roy's Way.)**

"HE SPILLED COKE AGAIN!" Winry's voice rang through the house, as she stomped our of the compuher room. "SOMEONE MUST TEACH ROY HOW TO NOT SPILL DRINKS AND IF HE DOES, TO CLEAN THEM UP!"

"Winry, don't freak out. Just believe it!" Naruto declared, posing in a 'I'm-so-cool' pose, and pointing, again, his stubby little finger at Winry. The pose reminded one very much of Gai-sensei.

"Shut up one-night-stand," She muttered.

"Maybe if we showed them some pictures of Elysia, she might calm down," Maes whispered to Pinako, as they spyed on the two, safely hidden by the couch.

"No, I don't think that would be the best solution," she whispered back.

Suddenly, without warning Naruto and Winry started a tongue dance.

"This couple is wrong on so many levels," Roy whispered, suddenly joining the group.

"Weren't you leaving?" Pinako whispered, glancing at him from the corner of her eye, all the while watching the couple make out.

"Not for awhi― WHOA! look what their doing now...," Roy said, almost giving away their hiding spot.

"Hey, guy's...," Ed whispered, joining the group. "What are you looking at?"

Everyone just stared straight ahead, so Ed managed to follow the way they where looking, only to see something truely horrible. His eyes opened wide eyed. "What the hell is that?"

Now, children, whatever you are trying to imagine, is WRONG. And you all have VERY sick perverted minds. Unfortunetly, we don't really know what they're doing, so we can't tell you otherwise.

**Meanwhile...**

"How was he killed?"

"Gunshot to the head."

**Back to the movie...**

"You mean... you don't know what they're doing?" Pinako asked in a whisper.

"No, it's creeping me out," Ed said, "but I can't look away."

"AHH!" Roy declared. "I guess it's time to give Full Metal Diminutive the 'talk.'"

"What talk?" Maes asked.

"The 'talk,'" Roy whispered, doing the quote thing with his hands.

"I know it's a talk, but which one?"

"Uh...," Roy stared.

"The 'what's happening to your body,' the 'birds and the bees,' the―"

"The second one...," Roy interrupted Maes.

"Well, I'm not giving it to him. There are some lines that I refuse to cross," Pinako whispered. "Besides that's a man's job."

"SEXISSSST!" someone yelled from far away.

"And their dad certianly isn't anywhere near here," Roy whispered, "so how about it Maes? Ready to teach the kid?"

"No way, Roy," Maes whispered back.

"What's this talk about?" Ed stared.

"Shut up," Roy commanded, "but, Maes, you're the only father here."

"Of a **girl**," Maes emphasised the gender of Elysia.

"Fine, I'll do it," Roy muttered very much like a child accepting that they can't have the ice cream.

**Meanwhile...**

"And what of the young naruto child?"

"He refuses to say anything."

**Back to the movie...**

"Well if you're going to be like that," Maes whispered.

"BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto screamed, while Winry only moaned out a command of silence.

"uuuhhh...," Pinako stared forward.

"Would someone please tell me what she's doing with his―" Ed was interrupted.

"Shut up," Maes silenced him.

"Okay..., lets go shorty."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HIS OWN MOTHER WOULDN'T TOUCH HIM!" Ed half yelled half cried.

"WHO IS THER-" Winry was cut off by a loud, "believe it!"

Everybody ran for the door fearing the wrath of the half naked wrench woman. Except for Al, who was currently on a date with Yuki and Kagura from Fruits Basket and the Ino porker from Naruto. Such a player. Sigh.

**Meanwhile...**

"So you're saying it wasn't a suicide?"

"Well, he was clearly hit by a half-ton."

"I SAID NO FREAKIN' FAT JOKES."

**Back to the movie...**

Everyone ran for the hills, except for Roy, who dragged Ed to the front yard. They stood by the mail box in a short silence. "So, can I go now? I think Winry will have gone back to doing whatever she'd been doing before...," Ed said as he shivered at the thought.

"No, I have to... give a speech **first**," Roy said. "Now sit down on the grass."

"Uuhh..., okay, I guess."

"Okay Ed let's talk about," Roy paused to add effect, "Sex!"

Ed Flinched. "What's sex?" he asked holding his virgin ears, "Cereal or something?"

Roy Sweat dropped. "Did you watch that soap opera last week on channel 3?"

"Not but I heard it was a real tearjerker!"

"Okay Ed," Roy bent over and began to whisper all about this "subject" in his ear.

**Meanwhile…**

"So he was shot and ran over?"

"According to Jim, he was."

"But I thought everyone loved Raymond."

"They do, but this is Barney."

**Back to the movie...**

"You mean?" Ed asked horrified. Roy nodded.

"That's what a man and a woman do."

"Roy?" Ed asked. "Marry me?"

"No! Wait!" Ed paused "Sasuke's interested!"

"I'm sure he would be"

"He tried to kiss me anyways"

"Eeeww! Ed's gay!"

"No I'm not"

"Yes you areee"

"No I'm not"

"You said MARRY ME ROY" Roy emphasized making a kissy sound.

"I'M SCARED OF WOMAN!"

"YOU'RE GAY!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

"Shounen Ai! Shounen Ai!" Roy chanted holding a ribbon and prancing around Ed.

"SCREW YOU!"

"I know you want too"

"No I don't!"

"Shorty."

"I AM NOT SHORT!"

"Gay shorty!" Roy yelled, waving the gay flag.

"I'm not short or gay!"

"Name a male-female moment then."

"Okay" Ed paused turning green.

"COME ON!"

"Me and Winry..., Would Imitate the teletubies…," he faded off at the end of the sentence.

"YOU'RE SICK! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Roy said also turning green. "I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

"You asked for it," Ed said casually.

"Did you play the vacuum?"

"YES! I vaccumed up all of Winry's cookies," Ed said as he shrugged.

"EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!"

**Meanwhile….**

"I was wondering... Which Naruto kid was it?"

"Itachi."

**Back to the move…**

"I think someones talking about me," Sasuke said emo-ly, while sniffing the air.

"W-who could-d it be-e?" Gaara asked, also emo-ly.

"Itachi or...," Sasuke pondered, "Edward."

The two emo's broke out into a run.

**Meanwhile...**

"Isn't he old?"

"Apparently not."

**Done... For now!**


	9. Armstrong is Armstrong: It's simple

**A/N: **Yeah..., that "lime" part in the last chapter was not actually intended to be there. We just needed a way to get into the subject of the birds and the bee's. ...and we think we're getting a little off the compuher topic (no way!) Anyway, if we offeneded any of you wonderful reviewers/readers, we honestly did not intend to. And by the way, We are still completely against the RoyxEd pairing. BUT ED COULD BE GAY GAY GAY GAAAAY. Naaaah. All he could ever pull off would be transvestite.

Oh, and by the way, sorry for such a short chapter (they're never that long anyways). It's just that we wanted to end it there.

**Disclaimer: **Standard Disclaimers Apply. If Cow-sama wouldn't touch it, then we won't. (not that that has to do with anything.)

**PuRE'Curse**

**Me and my God Complex  
Roy-Fan-33**

**Kiarra-chan**

**Google**

**By FullMetalCows**

**Chapter 9**

**Armstrong is Armstrong**

Roy marched back into the house, Ed on his heels. Yes, litterly on his heels. Oh god, how he wanted those shoes.

Winry walked up to them, a glare gracing her features. She had long since finished whatever she had been doing with Naruto, who was no longer anywhere in sight. "Why where you guys watching me?"

"We weren't watching you, _Poe_," Roy said, holding back a snicker under his breath. Winry stared in horror.

"You told him?" Winry said to Ed, looking embarassed.

"He dragged it out of me," Ed shrugged, also looking embarassed. But it didn't last long, because Winry's wrench managed to erase it and replace it was a look of pain. Winry smiled at this, while Ed clutched his head.

"I don't think being hit on the head worries homosexuals that much," Roy pointed out.

"Maybe not," Winry said, "but it does cause them pain."

"I AM NOT GAY."

Armstrong walked in, a pink-banged person beside him. "Time to go, Colonel."

"Why are you here Roze?" Ed asked.

"Because the authors wanted a pink haired girl in the story," Roze replied.

"Why not use Sakura from Naruto?" Winry asked.

"BECAUSE THIS ISN'T A CROSS OVER!" Armstrong yelled, "Now look at my muscles!"

"Yes it is.. Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara where in the last chapter."

"Hum, well the authors obviously can't write while listening to the genie from Aladin sing," someone pondered.

"That's beside the point."

"As I was saying... Ed has something he wants to tell you all. WAIT! LET ME SAY IT!" Roy said happily, clapping his hands together.

"What? Who the frig is the authors?" Naruto pondered, walking in from oblivion, "I can't believe it."

"Well, then you would obviously never be the main character in a story, retard," snapped Pinako.

"Ed's..." Roy started.

"The authors are people who write stories about us," Ed said geniusly, resulting in a slap from a author and the words 'you're not supposed to be smart, shorty.'

"Gay," he finished.

"You think that's news? Look at the bust on my back!" Armstrong said happily.

"I AM NOT SHORT!" Ed said, screaming and dancing the way short people do. "OR GAY LIKE ROY SAID."

"Prove it."

"We've already been through this."

"Whose the authors?" Maes asked, "Elysia wants to meet them."

"PRRRROVE IT!"

"Wait, where's Riza? She'll introduce Elysia to the authors..." Maes pondered, walking off to find Riza.

"I WILL THEN!" Ed reached out for Roze, grabbed her hand and pulled her into kiss her. Strangely, however, since this is not a fluff fanfiction, we cannot incorperate a romance between two people that isn't funny, so Ed's kiss landed on Armstrongs belly button.

"EWWWW!" he said, spitting on the ground, "LINT!"

"AHAHAHA! ED KISSED A MAN!" Roy said, keeling over in laughter. Pinako, Winry, Naruto and Roze stared down at the man who was on the ground twitching and laughing.

"I still cannot... BELIEVE IT!" Naruto said, going overboard. "BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT!"

"Oh. My. God," Winry said, "I should have just kept Sasuke."

"WAAA!" Naruto said in his annoying voice like the annoying blond he is. Just then "time arc" Naruto walked in, and started beating on the regular annoying little thing they call the main character.

"Believe that dattebayo," he said as he walked out, leaving the Naruto the authors love to hate in shambles.

"OOUU! I'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT AGAAAIN!" he said, starting to cry.

Then, Japanese version of Naruto came to have his kick at him. After he was done with him, Naruto was left not moving. "I think he's dead," japanese Naruto said, "Bye!"

-

"Where to next?" J. Naruto asked T.A Naruto.

"This guy named Vic's house. Apparently he plays a dude named Ed in the dub of some anime called Full Metal Alchemist."

-

"Hi guys!" Al yelled, walking into Pinako's home, Yuki, Kagura and Ino porker attached to his armor.

"AAALLPHONSE! Are you gay?"

"No, why?"

"Yuki's a boy..."

"EEEEHCKY!"

"I thought I made them swear not to tell him that I was a boy," complained Yuki. "UNCLE GREEED! They told on me!"

Greed, who is indeed a homoculus in the show, walked in and stabbed Yuki.

Oh, and by the way, we don't have anything against Yuki. He just looks like a girl, so he's fun to pick on.

"God, this isn't a story anymore. It's a three-way-cross over," complained Ed.

"Mmmm, three-way," some reviewer mumbled.

"Anyways, back to the plot," someone said.

"So we have to go see the fürher now?" Roy asked, having recovered from his laughing fit.

"Yep," Armstrong said, flexing by habit.

"Ed and Al, you might as well come with," Roy said, walking out the door.

"But I'm having my after date with Kagura and Ino porker!"

"Fine."

Ed, sighing, walked after Roy out the door, his want for the shoes becoming greater.


	10. Take Your Time

**A/N: **Well! This is the… final "plot notion." And, eventually… every story has to end… but this will only be the last chapter until we think up an idea. xD So don't be so sad. –not that you are- because either there will be a next chapter, or a sequel in a few months. What do you think about "Ask Jeeves" or "Yahoo?"

**Disclaimer: **Hell no! We don't own it! …We probably don't even own our brains!

Google 

**By FullMetalCows**

**Chapter 10**

**Take your time.**

Now in Central, Roy and the very short –"I AM NOT SHORT! STOP SAYING IT! I HATE YOU! I HATE… MUFFINS! YOU DAMN RACISTS! MUFFINS ARE NO BETTER THEN CUPCAKES! DOWN WITH SUSHI BARS AND CANDY CANES ON CHRISMAS TREES! IT'S AN INTERNATIONAL CRIME! CONVICT PIG SLAUGHTERS! STOP WORLD HUN–," Edward had arrived at the military base.

Being on a special mission, Roy had changed into different cloths. A black suit, and shiny black shoes (not the shoes Ed had been musing over for the last 2 days of the trip, but none the less, shiny shoes.) He had black sunglasses, and strangely reminded Ed of the X-men.

"I guess it's time for the pep talk," Roy said, using his hand to lower the glasses so he could see the sho– blond.

"Must you?" Ed said, a straw in his mouth as he stared at the ground.

"I must."

"Let's just go," Ed sighed.

Roy glared, but pushed past Ed and proceeded to walk like he was out of an X-men episode.

Roy arrived at the main building about an hour later.

"What took you so long?" Ed asked, wondering why Roy had taken 55 more minutes then him to get to the door.

"I was uh… uhmm… annnnoooo… Taking my time." Roy said, walking past him.

"Let's go inside," Ed said, and started running up the steps.

"You do that," Roy said with a smirk, "but I'm going in with style."

He raised his hand and pressed a button on the side of his sunglasses, and was instantly transported to the office of the Furher.

-

Meanwhile, Maes had been searching the Internet for homunculus.

"Hmmm… Lust, Pride, Wrath, Greed, Envy, Sloth and… what? Whaaaaat! DR. PHIL?"

-

Roy was just outside of the Furher's office now. "I WILL NOT ALLOW HIM TO CORRUPT NET NEUTRALITY!" He marched into the office, and threw his black case on the Furher's desk.

Suddenly, the HUGE black chair that did not allow you to see the person sitting on it if you where facing it's back began to spin around. "Yeeeeeeessss?" the male voice said, with a squeaky voice.

Roy opened the case.

DUN DUN DUN.

And inside, there was..

Absolutely nothing.

"I demand that you enforce NET NEUTRALITY."

The man just stared at him. "I'm afraid I cannot help you, Colonel Mustard," the furher said.

"Colonel MUSTANG, sir, and why not?"

"Because…"

Roy blinked.

"Because…"

"Please continue," Roy urged.

"I'm not Bradley."

GASP! "Oh my god! Did you just hear that!" someone in the audience shouted.

"Shut up!"

"Then who are you?" Roy asked, squinting.

"I AM…"

Blink.

…Blink harder.

"STEVEN HARPER!"

Dun Dun Freaking Dun.

"OHMG!" Roy shouted, throwing off his sunglasses. "THIS IS SO WORTHY OF CHAT SPEAK!"

"Omg! Roi talkes lyk us!" fan girl number 1 shouted, kneeling to her knee's to bow at the presence of him. "Roi is lyk soOo kewl!"

"Oh God," Ed stared.

"OMH! ITZ EDDDDOOOO!" Fan girl number 2 screamed into the blonde's ear. "OMH UR SOOooOOO HAWT IT SHOD B LYK… ILEGAL!"

"Oh. My. GOD."

"Time to go back to the psycho ward," the men in white said, dragging fan girl number 2 away.

"U KANT TAIK MY BFF AWAY FROME MKE!" fan girl number one shouted, grabbing onto the other fan girl's leg.

"Well.. Then," Roy said, blinking at the scene. First the furher, and now this.

"TIME TO GO!" Ed shouted, giggling as he ran from the room.

And now this.

A E I O U.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.

"Stop it!" Riza shouted, ripping the wire.

"Stop what?" Maes said, staring at the blonde in front of him.

"I cannot introduce you to the authors if you look like that!"

"Look like what…?"

"Like… like… THAT WIRE!" Riza stared shaking as she shouted it out.

"Meep." Maes said, grabbing her shoulders, and tried to hold her still.

With eyes half lidded, Riza managed to get out a "I've been paralyzed with Wiritis."

"What's that?"

"Fear of Wires."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Meet…"

"Yes?" Maes said, smiling.

"The authors," and then she died.

Well, not really. She just passed out because Maes had bad breath.

"DAMN YOU CHILDREN!" he screamed, looking up to the cloudy sky. Suddenly, he stopped and spit.

"Did you say Sasuke fan girls? Believe it," Naruto said, popping out of no where.

"No," Maes said, staring at Naruto like he was a creep.

"Wrong story I guess."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Disappear, weirdo."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO DO THAT!"

"Shut up."

"NO YOU!"

"…"

Okay, Scene change.

"OMG AL I LUV U!" Ino porker shouted, pushing Kagura aside as she hogged Al's armor. "Ur so manly wit ur beautiful armor n stoof!"

"My god," Kagura said, staring up at the weird person sitting on Al from the ground.

"DID U JUST MAK FUN OF ME?" Ino Porker shouted.

…Scene Change.

"Well, Barney," Itachi said, "We've avoided the police again."

"Yeah, but now everyone thinks I'm a child molester."

"Oh, Barney!" Itachi said, kissing the dinosaurs cheek, "You're a MAN molester!"

"Aw, shucks. Thanks Itachi. How can you always make me feel so happy?"

"Babe, it's my specialty."

"ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS GOING TO NEWYORK, NEWYORK."

"Aaaah, just when I thought I was going to get some quiet time with my alternate lifestyle for life partner," Itachi sighed.

"THE FLIGHT HAS BEEN DELAYED ON THE ACCOUNT OF LOOSE ANIMALS ON THE PLANE."

"Snakes on a mother fucking plane," Orchimaru sighed, walking past the two homosexuals.

"Oh my god," Sasuke (-spit-) whispered, as he and Gaara spied on the couple. He was surprised, not that his brother was gay, but that he wasn't raping him.

"Ow," Gaara whispered, "my-y cere-ebell-uuum."

"Shutup."

-

"Hi, I'm Scar, and I would just like to speak out about the fact that I was only mentioned once in this story."

"OH SCREW YOU!" some dude from the audience yells.

"AAAALLRIGHT," Scar said with a frown, and walked off the stage.

-

Maes, being sad because the authors had not yet arrived for the meeting, had had one to many drinks of wine.

"You know what really ear- irritates me?" he said as he gulped down another glass of wine. "That no one ever looks at my pictures. All they do is shove me away. AND THEY REJECT MY PERFECT DAUGHTER. SHE'S EVERYTHING TO ME. NEXT TO MY WIFE! When they reject my picture… they're rejecting part of me."

"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT FLUFFY?" he yelled at the bear. "I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE. NO ONES GOING TO REJECT ME."

He pulled out a revolver that he had found under the table.

"Reject me, and live with the consequences," he whispered. "It begins now…"

"With those…"

"DAMN AUTHORS."

…Wonderful scene change.

"I WILL WIN INO PORKER!" Kagura shouted, pushing the fat blond down the stairs.

"TAT WAZ THE BIGEST MISTACK OF UR LYF NXT TO TINKN UR BETA THEN MIE!" Ino shouted as she fell down the stairs and landed on something hard.

"Oh. My. God. Now I have to start all over," Winry said, looking at the broken computer.

**To be continued… **


	11. Authors Response for Anonymous Reviewer

**ATTENTION!!**

Okay. For the anonymous reviewer, who we can't reply to, we just wanted to say that: If you read the authors note on the last chapter, you would see "sequel!" and there is a sequel! And it's being published already on Fanfiction! Yaaaayyy!! So, yes, it is being continued, but it's now the sequel called "Google: How Troublesome."

So.. READ IT! Thassall.

Your Friendly Author who hopes they don't get in trouble for posting something that isn't a chapter on a completed story,

Full Metal Cows (Kame, and Gin.)


End file.
